Sad sad day

On Friday December 17th my papa was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. A diagnosis that was so unexpected because he was not even in the hospital for this. My papa was given about 6 months or less to live. He was pulled from all preventative measures and the plan was to send him to hospice to control pain and than send him home so we could spend as much time with him as possible. But with in 24 hours he took a turn for the worst that none of us were expecting. I received a call from my mom saying he was going to hospice and never coming home. That was Monday afternoon. Thank god my husband got the day off on Tuesday so he could go with me to be with the only man who has ever been a constant in my life.

We got there at around 1230 pm. Jordan stayed till about 5 to go be with cayden. I stayed with my family including about 4 cousins, my mom And her 2 sisters, and 3 of nana and papas close friends came to kiss him goodbye. Eventually us cousins left to eat at bw'3! We were starving, going stir crazy and just needed a different atmosphere. By the time we got back it was about 8. By 1 or 2 I'm not sure really, we were all so exhausted it was down to myself, 2 cousins, 2 aunts, my mom and of course nana. Sometime around 3 am our moms came to kick us out. They wanted alone time. So my cousin and I drove home to her place where I don't even remember falling asleep.

Than, at nine am Tara came down and woke me to tell me papa went to heaven. As much as we knew this was inevitable, it was still a huge blow. I had no emotions to give, and nothing to really say.

The last few days have been such a whirl wind but I thank god I got to hold his warm hand and
just talk. I got to hear his voice even if it was not very comprehendable and he smiled and was able to squeeze my hand when I spoke. I feel very at peace that I was able to have that moment. He has meant the world to me for so many reasons that some may never understand. He will truly be missed by Anyone who met him.

Christmas will be a little less fun, but our family will make the best of it and remember how much he cared About us. Now our focus is on nana. She has been the rock of our family, and although she is still putting on a brave face we know different.